i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
