we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
