I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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