but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It's Friday. Sex?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
As shirtless as possible
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
