So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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