Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize