Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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