Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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