I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
