I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
