She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
