you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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