Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize