I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
