You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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