dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
