when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
