Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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