one might say we're banned from that church
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
