you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
