I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
