It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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