I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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