So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
