You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
