Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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