did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
