Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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