I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
