I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Randomize