PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
