Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
