youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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