Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
