I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
