You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
