Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Dear god my vagina.
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