U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
