barbara walters just said penis...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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