Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize