Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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