After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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