I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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