This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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