Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
