What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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