I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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