I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
