At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Randomize
