I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
