so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
