...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
