Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
