wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize