If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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