you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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