What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
