Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
