I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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