Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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