Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
