this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
