Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
