but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
