so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
