What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
