no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
