i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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