she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
