I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
