Can Purell be used as lube?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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