He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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