i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
