Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
