I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
