someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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