I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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