Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize