just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
