I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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