Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
