i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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