i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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