boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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