Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i out mim tonsoeep
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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