Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
