apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
