Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
