it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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