threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
