I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
