And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
