I met the friendliest cop last night
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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