I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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