allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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