This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
