I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
