He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
