I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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