If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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