Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
