It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
