I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
