I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
