I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
