I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
love makes seman taste better
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
