Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
