I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize