When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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