You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
