I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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