the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize